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I met this woman several years ago. She absolutely exemplifies the life of a woman who is filled with the Holy Spirit. She is joyful, loving, giving, and has a warm personality. As I came to know her better, she shared her story of breaking free from an abusive upbringing. I have asked her to be general in details and to remain anonymous, but want you to hear her testimony.
Me. You grew up in an abusive home. Can you give us an idea of what you endured?
Response: Abuse comes in many forms. There is physical, sexual, and mental abuse. While I was thrown across the room, pushed down stairs, and even had things thrown at me, the worst abuse I endured was mental. My step-father was smart enough to know if I had any marks on me, he would go to jail. So, the marks he left on me remain embedded in my mind. The worst memories are from my high school years, right after my older sibling left home. Those 4 years were spent being the mental punching bag for my step-father's suppressed anger. A typical day included being told I was ugly, not good enough, stupid, and even being accused of things I had never done. The worst remark that haunts me the most, was spiritual. I was told I would never go to Heaven because God would never love me because I was unloveable.
Me. How did you break free from that home?
Response: I actually had a calendar and would mark the days to my high school graduation. I knew college was my only way out. Living in a dorm would provide me with the safety I needed. I worked a part-time job in high school and saved up some money. Once I graduated, I was told by my parents I needed to give them the money I had saved because they needed it to pay bills. So, I gave it to them out of fear. I continued to live with them until after Christmas that year when I was able to get a Pell Grant for college. I then hopped on a bus and moved into a college dorm, many states away, and for the first time in my life, had safety.
Me: After all the years of obvious abuse, did anyone ever try to help you?
Response: No one really reached out to me. I was very liked in school, maintained good grades, and appeared to be "normal". I never opened up to anyone because I was embarrassed, and I believed the lies my step-father told me (I was stupid and ugly, therefore no one would listen to me anyway). One time, in 10th grade, I found myself unable to concentrate and just needed someone to talk to, so I approached the school's guidance counselor. I didn't know quite what to say, so I began crying just out of sadness. Before I could say anything, she told me she had received a phone call from my father (she didn't know he was my step-father...they didn't let anyone know they had been married before), and that she was expecting my presence. I knew from that comment that I couldn't tell her anything at all. So, I remained silent about what was happening behind closed doors.
Me: Why do you think abuse continues to go unnoticed?
Response: I think fear is the reason. People are scared to tell. People are embarrassed. And other people, the ones that can help, just don't want to get involved.
Me: Why do you think women tolerate abusive men?
Response: In my mom's case, it was lack of confidence and fear. He had her so convinced no one would believe her and that he was doing nothing wrong.
Me: How did you come to know the Lord?
Response: When I was 13 years old, my parents were living in an extremely bad part of town. Therefore, the school I was zoned for was terrible. In 9th grade I saw a girl stab another girl in front of me while I was at my locker. I went home, and told them I wasn't going back to school and I would get my GED. They began to panic (for reasons I didn't understand until later), and sent me to the cheapest private school they could find. It just so happened, that school was a Christian school. I went into culture shock, in a good way. One teacher, wore a belt buckle everyday that read, Born Again. That sounds bizarre, but he was the nicest man. I began to wonder, what in the world does that mean? I was also able to attend chapel services there every Wednesday morning. I thought that was the coolest. Finally, I heard the entire gospel message and began reading my Bible. I went home and prayed for the Lord to forgive me and asked Him to come into my heart.
Me: What verses of Scripture encourage you?
Response: It sounds so simple with all the verses in the entire Bible, but I always go back to John 3:16: "For God so loved the world, He gave His only begotten son and whosoever shall believe in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." That's so important to me because I was told no one would love me, ever. And that I would never go to Heaven. So this one verse reminds me of all the truth I need on this earth.
Me: How can a young woman change the pattern of living in an abusive home and marry or date someone who honors her?
Response: The only way this is possible is with Christ. The world will tell us to get confidence, get degrees, do charity work, stay independent. Well, all those things are good, but none of them heal. Saturate your soul with God's healing truth...His word. The truth will show you how God wants us to live, how to treat others, and how we are loved. Once I knew this, I didn't fall for the lies or manipulation an abuser would use. Therefore, my children and I do not have to sleep under our beds with baseball bats and live in fear of what will happen next, like my siblings, mom and I did growing up.
Me: There are probably many readers who are wondering what the first step to freedom is. What advice can you give them?
Response: Realistically, when you are being abused, the first step is just to get out of there. I didn't really know I was being abused until I got away. I just knew no one loved me and that I was very bad. Take that first step, as scary as it is, and walk away. God will provide. I can tell you story after story how he provided for me.
Me: Do you have any final comments?
Response: I can mainly speak as a child of an abuser and I can tell children who have been abused that someone does care, I care! I believe you! And I am so sorry!
My Prayer: Lord, thank you for this survivor's story! Thank you for your grace and mercy in her freedom! I pray for those who are going through similar circumstances. Lord, give them the courage to leave! Encamp your angels around the abused and minister to their hearts. Show them that there is a way of escape. Reveal your path, Lord. Help those who are abused take back what the enemy has stolen. In Jesus Name!
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